IT WAS JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS........

 ......... When a really hot rumour began to circulate around Port Camp in 1963.

Now - rumours were not unknown on The Rock, and every crazy notion known to mankind was circulated as Gospel - honest! You soon got to know that 99% were probably a figment of the fevered imagination of a Rock happy blue-job - no squaddie would ever start such silly tales!. But this story, particularly at this time of the year when wives, girl-friends and family were in our thoughts more than usual, had a certain element of spice in it that made us hope that it might just be true, after all, it was possible.

I was working on a delightful job in (yes, IN) the sump of one of our rather large diesel engines, swabbing out the remains of slimy black filth with great bundles of cotton waste, covered in old oil, extremely hot, suffocating with the stink, and dying for a pint when someone rushed in and announced that a ‘White bird was in the sick-bay’.

I forced myself to digest what he had just pronounced. Was he completely mad?. Had he been on the Toddy? . Whatever it was, I could not comprehend where the interest was in this. I could only imagine that a sick or injured seabird had been rushed to the nearest thing to a vet on The Rock - the RAF Doctor.

Mind you, ‘Vet’ was rather apt!. My visitor insisted that he had ‘the griff’. Apparently, an Australian couple were sailing the North Pacific in their yacht when the wife suffered a serious injury to her leg. The husband reckoned that medical care was possible if he headed for Christmas Island and it took them a week to get there, by which time his wife’s leg was infected and needed extended hospitalisation.

Hence the almost unbelievable fact that a WHITE FEMALE was in close proximity. Moses exhorting the Israelites to flee bondage in Egypt was nothing like the impact of this news on the sex-starved males on The Rock, who suddenly became incapacitated with every malady known to medicine and flocked towards the sick-bay. But there was no chance of a glimpse of the patient: the commissioned ranks had closed ranks and soon sorted that one out.

The sick-bay, or a corner of it was guarded like Fort Knox and any attempt to breach security was asking for a ‘fizzer’. Of course, this did not apply to senior ranks and we could only stand by and imagine the salivating officers, pandering to her every whim, grovelling smarmily whilst proffering the odd coconut in lieu of a bunch of flowers or grapes. Still, necessity is the mother of invention, and as everyone knows, there is nothing a British boy cannot do.

 However, to try and keep this short, I will spare the reader the tricks that were tried to gain entry, to get a picture or even a glimpse of ankle. Many a squaddie tossed and turned in his bed whilst chewing the corner of his blanket through long sleepless nights over the next two weeks!!!!. (How long can I keep this up!)

Christmas Day 1963 dawned on Christmas Isle. To be so far away from loved ones at this time was hard for most of us but C.I.B.S. attempted to brighten us up with cheery messages and requests from home, I got mine, ‘ I wanna be Bobbys Girl’ !!. No chance that day!.

Suddenly, the CIBS announcer handed over to a female voice - it was HER - a bit nervous, but unbelievably gorgeous. She later attended the Carol Service. There were no atheists on The Rock that day - the church was mobbed with squaddies who would usually not be seen dead in a house of worship. I can barely remember what she looked like as she hobbled on crutches out of the church with the Base Commander and entourage, but I have the greatest admiration for her courage as she faced something like 200 leering, slavering, lascivious squaddies whose eyes stripped her unmercifully!. I enjoyed that!.

©: R. Morrison. 26 Jul. 01